Sometimes… (a lot of the time) I feel like an incredible failure. Life is so painful when you have taken so much into your own hands and done so much harm.
When decisions we make have capsized our boat what can we do next?
I have been in the journey for over a year after causing an incredible amount of pain and anguish for myself and others. In that time I have been in as much darkness as I have ever known, and felt so affirmed I believed anything was possible. You know what I mean?
The last 36 hours have seen a recurrence of a sense of futility in my heart. Nothing specific has happened but I am decidedly battling a negative influence that wants to pull me down. I am not surprised by this, it is hardly new. What does surprise me is my reaction to it, or better said, my lack of reaction to it. I am a man recovering from an addictive life, having used external means to medicate my pain and loss. Pornography became my escape from the difficulty I faced, and provided temporary relief that was magnified by the resulting crushing shame. However in this time I have made some significant strides toward the permanent eradication of this foe.
I am now in touch with myself like never before. I am experiencing life as it is intended to be, with all its highs and lows, wounds and healing, and comings and goings. In that, I have moments of intense pain related to what has been. I realize the losses are titanic and the cost incalculable.
So I am met with a decision. Allow this remembrance to push me down, keep me in darkness and hopelessness, or let the grace of God propel me to heights I could never have realized had I not faced the demon within.
In this moment I write to tell you and I something important to our rebound from failure. People will give up on you but GOD NEVER WILL!
If you have been convicted of your sin and have repented, and been forgiven, it is time to make the climb out of that hole! What keeps us there is essentially condemnation. That is a real ugly word for a real ugly enemy.
The enemy of grace is condemnation, the enemy of learning is condemnation, and the enemy of restoration is indeed condemnation.
Don’t let a non-Biblical principle be the cause of your destruction when the beauty of conviction, repentance, forgiveness and grace are the path back to wholeness.
There may be no recovering the past. The lost relationships are painful and destroyed opportunities are hard to accept, but seeing the newness that rises like the sun from learning such a valuable lesson restores our hope. The opinions of men will change with the wind but God never changes, and He loves you and has always loved you. So get up! I am encouraging myself as well, we have something to give that no one else can. We are survivors that are blessed and anointed of God for this hour.
There are people who need to know how to recover from gigantic failures, beat addiction, and be stronger in God than ever thought possible. That’s you and I!!!