A man has run tirelessly his entire life from the pain and wounding of his youth. He has used various methods to mask his tremendous shame and guilt, but none of them have worked. He has left a trail of carnage in his own personal life and the lives of those he never intended to harm. And now he has reached a point that has been decades in the making, at which he must make his most crucial decision. What will he do…what can he do? There is nothing left of his self-respect, pride, honor or hope; indeed, every dream he has ever conceived of has been crushed under the weight of his sinful actions. Those who once reached out to him in compassion have now turned away in heartless judgment. There is not one person who really believes in him any longer.
He is alone.
This had been my life, and I have not embellished the harsh reality it had become. You see, even the most faithful friend will forsake you when you have made enough mistakes. Your own family will walk away when they have reached a point of endless frustration. The people who you once counted as your Christian friends will even justify their rejection of a habitual sinner. They will quote a fistful of scriptures that gives them every right to brush you off, like so much dirt from their shoes. I have experienced that rejection, and I had withdrawn into a world of my own making. I had retreated into a cycle of medicating my pain, hurting others before they could hurt me, caring only for myself. I had flipped the tables and rejected them first, my underlying anger ready to attack at any given moment. I was defensive at every turn with a heavy dose of justification for whom I had become.
Then came a moment of lucidity; It was like being in a dark and damp cavern without a hint of light anywhere. You are feeling your way around, stumbling, at times falling, being cut by jagged rocks, you are frustrated and hopeless with no sense of direction.
Then suddenly, a brilliant light floods the cavern, the problem is you are not adjusted and so you are blinded temporarily. You squint and cover your eyes for the light is even painful to bear. As you begin to focus, you can make out some shapes, you start to get your bearings. There is a moment of relief, but the fact remains that you are still in the cavern, surrounded by jagged rocks, dangerous cliffs, and other unknown dangers. As you move and your eyes adjust more fully you gain confidence, now you are aware of the dangers that exist but you can see them and adjust your path to safety.
This is what it is like to come out of a place of failure and sinful actions. It is a process of acclimating to the light and then using the light to choose the proper path. It is difficult to change the habits of a lifetime; no one will believe you can change, they had given you up as hopelessly lost in that cavern of doom, ever to wander in darkness.
God is providing a way, His light is guiding your steps now, but being able to see is just the beginning. Your sight has been restored and now the true tests come. As you navigate the many obstacles before you, you’ll will find that you again can trust and obey, that you can leave the motivations for your dark journeys behind and accept the hope that will bring the freedom once thought forever lost.
Embrace the power of the God’s light, don’t ever turn back. It may be the same challenging path you were once on before but having confessed and repented, welcome His light. Complete the odyssey that is your life; with all the joy, peace, and fulfillment of a true follower of Christ.