I am sick of living. Its all the hiding and subterfuge, the pain and the never quieted lack of peace. I am sick of the world in which we live that tears you down, judges…and once you are destroyed moves on. I am sick of the church; they who preach justice, restoration and truth and yet throw you aside when you question their motives and actions. I am sick of politics, the self-righteous, the holier-than-thou, the sniping, criticizing, bad-mouthing. I am sick of people, serving them, being seen as less than them, smiling through their sarcasm and evaluation. I am sick of my body, it is tired and breaking..slowly it abandons me. I wish I could leave it and be done with this. I am sick of how I hurt others and selfishly use them. I am sick of chasing mirages and believing they are real. I am sick of good and bad and the eternal battle between them. I am sick of you who read and “like” my blog and yet never wonder if I am actually ok. I am sick of trying to impress you and at the same time fight the addictions, hurts, and abuses that destroyed my life before you even knew me.
I am sick in every way it is possible to be sick. Yet this life will drag on, its poor existence unrelenting in its demands. I am sick of a god who allows such pain and remains silent and invisible yet claims to love unerringly. How this so-called god lets you be abused and tortured and then tells you to trust in this entity that lives only in the feeble minded is beyond me.
I am sick of it all, but mostly I am sick of me.