People kill themselves. There is nothing worth living for, more specifically, there isn’t enough good to outweigh the incredible pain.
I totally get it. The psychiatrist doesn’t care, he gives you another med and says see a therapist. The process of even looking for a therapist is daunting and intimidating, and you are in no place to even make the effort. When you find someone, if thats even possible for the specifics of your problems, they want all their money up front. Financial impossibility.
Your employer doesn’t care, their only concern is their reputation and their job security. If you pose a risk to that, bye-bye.
Your family doesn’t care, they have their own issues. Obviously, neither do any of your friends.
So when the moment comes and you hear the news, don’t be surprised, don’t weep and don’t say you never saw it coming. When you say they were selfish or didn’t try and were weak… just keep talking, those are lies you tell yourself so you can live with what has happened.