Negativity is easy for those of use who have mental health issues. There is no shortage of confusion to draw bucket after bucket from our deep well of dysfunctional. Politics of hate, racism, class privilege and prevention, the rush to have and be seen with the best and latest of everything.
Let me tell you this, if I had the clearness of thinking and strength to go after what I wanted, it would not be to chase after selfish material things, or to waste it on silly debates that only show the immaturity of the parties involved. You think you are so smart, but with every disgusting tweet you reveal only a shortage of humanity and no desire to see all living together as one on planet Earth.
Those who suffer with mental illness are only being further pushed into corners in which our options are more and more limited. From smashing an egg on someones head to AOC and Trump childishly feuding. It’s like we are led by a bunch of entitled kids who want it all their way. Its TV that blasts in your face at such a pace it makes your head swim. Talking so fast, so much action, music blaring, people dancing and shouting, flashy cars and glitzy young people all selling the latest crap.
I am being pushed toward a ledge by all of it. As my head swirls full of wounds, hurts, mistakes and never-were’s, I find less to live for every day.
This sunny west Michigan day is all bright and blue skies, I try to remind myself it’s ok and this day will be better, different, but that’s difficult to do. Every step forward seems to be more than a few back.
I am still here. Those who I have known, and you know who you are, who I once called friends, where have you gone? Why do you insist I approach you? Do you understand mental illness? Are you too good to be associating with someone like me? Do you think I will drag you down?
Damn, this blog is supposed to help me process, but sometimes it just proves to do the opposite. Take me further within the beast.