When I was in treatment, a therapist said that suicidal thoughts are most likely with us for the rest of our lives, it’s finding ways to deal with them. A good position to have, yes, but I am finding it difficult to force them into the background.
Last night having done some light reading on the Nuremberg Trials I read how they hanged the convicted. Then I remembered a football player who went to prison for murder and hung himself. Hanging is a preferred suicide method among many others, though less notorious .
I am just tired. My wife left for a wedding shower and told me to keep my mind off suicide and also not to do it. Funny sort of. Daily I wake from sleep and spend the next several hours out of it, by the time I am halfway alert the day is far spent.
Depression steals motivation, energy, hope.
I won’t kill myself today, don’t worry, I haven’t become desperate enough to follow through. I spent 6 days in partial hospitalization just to get the suicide demons to be silent for a short time.
Ugh…(this section edited so as not to create undue worry.)