Self-care Deficiencies

One of the byproducts of childhood sexual abuse is the self-care piece. It’s paying attention to and investing in good health and practices.

I am legendary for not taking care of myself, whether its minding what I eat and drink to simple health maintenance. Today I am living with a very specific issue and that is poor dental health. Lost another tooth while eating lunch. I am already missing many teeth but have managed to cover up the problem by getting emergency work done to maintain the visible ones. I can no longer do that.

If it weren’t for the Pandemic I would be in dire trouble, but I can wear a mask. I can no longer hide the problem. As it is I rarely smile fully unless I lose track of myself for fear of exposing my horrid teeth. Now I am in a management position with my company and I cannot open my mouth.

Am I blaming this on being sexually abused? Yes. I learned that I wasn’t worth the time or effort and lost the ability to care for myself. Not everyone reacts to being abused the same way, but this is one of the consequences of the prolonged mistreatment. It is a miracle that I even have been able to work in a management position with all the problems I deal with.

Today it is my teeth, tomorrow, who knows what?!


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