Confused

The boy was confused, the man is defeated. The question that plagues me is whether it was my giving up or just me flat-out not having a chance from the start? The final result, either way you look at it is the same. I have become known as a person who gripes and complains but …

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I Can’t Believe

I am a man of many years now. I was born in the sixties and a teen in the seventies. I got married when I was in my late twenties and proceeded to hurtle through life like we all do. Before I knew it I had expended all my energy and not found what I …

I Should Have Been Aborted

Right now, in our country, the debate is raging over who should be our next president. One of the most polarizing issues is based on the ever caustic arguments over abortion rights. Well, I am going to put a twist on this disagreement that you have never considered, and I am going to be very …

Pause Button

I am in the middle of a two week leave of absence from work. I needed a break from everything, I work in grocery. I was getting very angry with customers not complying with mask regulations. Due to the virus I was spending two to three hours a day outside, cleaning and sanitizing carts. I …

Summer Fantasy

Things have settled into a steady pace now. My medications seem to be working their magic by keeping me stable and sane. No great expectations but conversely no deep depression. It feels like the best things could possibly be. Maybe its just a beautiful summers day that helps. Maybe it is spending less time thinking …

Self-care Deficiencies

One of the byproducts of childhood sexual abuse is the self-care piece. It's paying attention to and investing in good health and practices. I am legendary for not taking care of myself, whether its minding what I eat and drink to simple health maintenance. Today I am living with a very specific issue and that …

The Latest News Cycle

This year has two stories that have consumed the media, Coronavirus and George Floyd. Important, yes, but deserving of all the attention, no. You see, when you make something THE story you ignore many other important topics. For me it is childhood sexual abuse. This is an anathema for me that it goes unreported and …

Long-Term Depression

It saps you of the strength to accomplish anything. Let alone get up off your back and try. I don't have the ability to say more, I am exhausted.

The Stuff

I am surrounded by things I have put value on. My guitars, my stereo and records, my clothes, my electronics, all of it. Like you, I know that these things don't provide anything tangible in the way of lasting joy, peace, satisfaction, and security. Yet I pile them up in a vain attempt to fill voids, …