Self-care Deficiencies

One of the byproducts of childhood sexual abuse is the self-care piece. It's paying attention to and investing in good health and practices. I am legendary for not taking care of myself, whether its minding what I eat and drink to simple health maintenance. Today I am living with a very specific issue and that …

Long-Term Depression

It saps you of the strength to accomplish anything. Let alone get up off your back and try. I don't have the ability to say more, I am exhausted.

The Stuff

I am surrounded by things I have put value on. My guitars, my stereo and records, my clothes, my electronics, all of it. Like you, I know that these things don't provide anything tangible in the way of lasting joy, peace, satisfaction, and security. Yet I pile them up in a vain attempt to fill voids, …

Searching for…

Relevance. In a world that goes from disaster to calamity to outrage how can we as simple individuals find relevance? In isolation there is a degree of safety but along with that is a distinct lack of connection. My connections are severely limited, but in closer proximity to people I have found misunderstanding, offense, ambivalence. …

Don’t Wanna Feel

I have never abused drugs or alcohol and never intend too, but I sure would like to medicate these feelings away. If I had some positive thoughts it would be nice, something to look forward to but I don't. My life is pretty much behind me now. Maybe I should look at it like that...whats …

It is This Month

It always feels like another shoe is going to drop. There isn't any extended peace or joy. I live on the edge of something I cannot describe but it isn't a pleasant place to be. All good is temporary and the pain is the tie that binds. I don't feel like I belong, anywhere I …

Slipping into Neutral

The Coronavirus Pandemic has done a lot of things to a lot of people during the last few months. I was on the brink of busting out of a long, dark period of life. Hopes renewed and motivated to get after it again. I was in first gear and accelerating, but now I am back …

Course Correction

My last post was a lament. Caught up in a specific situation or two that I allowed myself to be negatively effected by, I was dragged down and I beat myself up. Perspective can be gained in many ways but time helps and those who speak into your life also make a difference. I allowed …

A Day in my Drama of Life

I haven't written in a while, my reasons are many with the main one being I had nothing to say. Today I do. The majority of last year I was in the care of psychiatric services at varying levels. A lifetime of trauma and its resulting damage left me hopeless and without a motivation to …