I Had a Dream

I dreamt last night that someone I used to know in my adult life sexually assaulted me. Now if you know my story you know it's one of abuse when I was a child and adolescent, so this is a new sensory experience. I woke up right out of the attack and so remembered it … Continue reading I Had a Dream

Pause Button

I am in the middle of a two week leave of absence from work. I needed a break from everything, I work in grocery. I was getting very angry with customers not complying with mask regulations. Due to the virus I was spending two to three hours a day outside, cleaning and sanitizing carts. I … Continue reading Pause Button

Summer Fantasy

Things have settled into a steady pace now. My medications seem to be working their magic by keeping me stable and sane. No great expectations but conversely no deep depression. It feels like the best things could possibly be. Maybe its just a beautiful summers day that helps. Maybe it is spending less time thinking … Continue reading Summer Fantasy

Self-care Deficiencies

One of the byproducts of childhood sexual abuse is the self-care piece. It's paying attention to and investing in good health and practices. I am legendary for not taking care of myself, whether its minding what I eat and drink to simple health maintenance. Today I am living with a very specific issue and that … Continue reading Self-care Deficiencies

The Latest News Cycle

This year has two stories that have consumed the media, Coronavirus and George Floyd. Important, yes, but deserving of all the attention, no. You see, when you make something THE story you ignore many other important topics. For me it is childhood sexual abuse. This is an anathema for me that it goes unreported and … Continue reading The Latest News Cycle

The Stuff

I am surrounded by things I have put value on. My guitars, my stereo and records, my clothes, my electronics, all of it.┬áLike you, I know that these things don't provide anything tangible in the way of lasting joy, peace, satisfaction, and security. Yet I pile them up in a vain attempt to fill voids, … Continue reading The Stuff

Searching for…

Relevance. In a world that goes from disaster to calamity to outrage how can we as simple individuals find relevance? In isolation there is a degree of safety but along with that is a distinct lack of connection. My connections are severely limited, but in closer proximity to people I have found misunderstanding, offense, ambivalence. … Continue reading Searching for…