Today

I have been off work for the last three weeks, and today is my last bit of freedom before returning. It has been a mental health vacation. No pay, just relief from the stresses of retail life in this Covid-infected year. Today I am taking inventory. How am I doing, really? Have I made progress …

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Civil Tone Please?

I write a blog and I have to admit it can be pretty negative. I am sixty years old and trying to do things the "nice" way seems to be a futile venture. Admittedly a more sharply worded posture of me against the world might be a losing proposition. No one likes a negative nellie …

I Had a Dream

I dreamt last night that someone I used to know in my adult life sexually assaulted me. Now if you know my story you know it's one of abuse when I was a child and adolescent, so this is a new sensory experience. I woke up right out of the attack and so remembered it …

Pause Button

I am in the middle of a two week leave of absence from work. I needed a break from everything, I work in grocery. I was getting very angry with customers not complying with mask regulations. Due to the virus I was spending two to three hours a day outside, cleaning and sanitizing carts. I …

The Big 60

I am trying to figure out why I have a lack of motivation to improve myself, set goals, etc. Is it the meds used to calm my bipolar swings? It seems so. I have always gotten up when knocked down, every time. Until now. I think its the meds plus being 60 and pretty darn …

Summer Fantasy

Things have settled into a steady pace now. My medications seem to be working their magic by keeping me stable and sane. No great expectations but conversely no deep depression. It feels like the best things could possibly be. Maybe its just a beautiful summers day that helps. Maybe it is spending less time thinking …

Self-care Deficiencies

One of the byproducts of childhood sexual abuse is the self-care piece. It's paying attention to and investing in good health and practices. I am legendary for not taking care of myself, whether its minding what I eat and drink to simple health maintenance. Today I am living with a very specific issue and that …

The Latest News Cycle

This year has two stories that have consumed the media, Coronavirus and George Floyd. Important, yes, but deserving of all the attention, no. You see, when you make something THE story you ignore many other important topics. For me it is childhood sexual abuse. This is an anathema for me that it goes unreported and …

Long-Term Depression

It saps you of the strength to accomplish anything. Let alone get up off your back and try. I don't have the ability to say more, I am exhausted.