I Miss My Violin

It's been a tough road. I have experienced a lot of financial challenges and mental ones that had me sell off all the instruments of value I owned. I used to be big into music at church, that's the only place I ever wanted to play. I had a few of them, but the last … Continue reading I Miss My Violin

Post-birthday Update

It was another memorable birthday as number 59 resulted in 2 cards received, my brother and my wife. I'm not surprised seeing that I have moved so much and left a bit of a trail of ugliness in my wake. Now that I have diagnosis' that pinpoint the mental illnesses I am confronting, I don't … Continue reading Post-birthday Update


Have you ever felt completely hollow, like there is no one inside your body? It's as if you had vacated it. I have been forced out entirely but for the instinctive motor actions that keep this shell alive. Sleeping, eating, breathing all continue, but nothing else. This form is recognizable by others but I scarcely … Continue reading Empty

The Feel-good Comeback

I have been waiting a long time for something that happened today. In the back of my mind, biding my time for the comeback of someone who fell from grace, so to speak. When it finally came to be, my momentary joy was quickly squashed. Tiger Woods came all the way back and won The … Continue reading The Feel-good Comeback

Fork in the Road

If you've followed me at all you may already know where I am going with this. I feel I am at another crossroads. When you journey through mental illness for decades there are many "either / or" choices you must make. The problem is I have made many wrong turns when presented with the option. … Continue reading Fork in the Road

Alexandra’s Suicide….please watch!

Alexandra Valoras was a straight-A student, class officer and robotics whiz. But her journals told a different story, with 200 pages of self-loathing and despair. CBS News senior national correspondent Jim Axelrod has her story. Only 5:41 long. Parents blindsided by daughters suicide hope her story helps others.

Personal Status Report

I write a lot, and I am all over the place emotionally, psychologically, so I thought it appropriate to keep it real for a few words. I feel I am fairly well-balanced today and not in a place to purely wax morbidly. My overall outlook is still in the negative. If it were shown in … Continue reading Personal Status Report

That Nagging feeling

I have been doing some study the last few days about mental health, euthanasia and suicide. I am at a point of relative acceptance that there is an inevitability in me to take one of these roads in the future. I have a sense of futility about life at this point. I am not throwing … Continue reading That Nagging feeling

It Could Be Worse

Watching this documentary about the history of mental health in Britian makes me feel better about my treatment plan. Those days may be behind, but we still have a lot to do to make a difference for those of us who suffer debilitating mental challenges. BBC MENTAL A History of the Madhouse