My Journal from April 4

I have always been good at bringing myself down. But this current episode has a different texture. It's as if the collective hatred of others is gradually crushing me. The air is thin and the dark looming. What else could it be? I deserve it. Death, suffocation 'til expired. Why can't I gather the nerve … Continue reading My Journal from April 4

Derailed So Quickly

Any bold declarations I make are shot down by the reality of depression. I want to do something worthwhile but I just get destroyed so quickly, drained of motivation and purpose. I have a song I've written so I spent an hour this morning trying to put together a decent sound. I quickly realized that … Continue reading Derailed So Quickly

D E A T H

I have been preoccupied with death the last few weeks. As I feel more and more sapped of strength, the comforting thought of laying down and not getting up sounds so soothing and releasing. Though at times I feel stronger, the pervading sense of finality is welcoming. Excuse me please for allowing morbidity to overtake … Continue reading D E A T H

Thrifting Therapy

Well, oh well. I have a physical scheduled for this morning. I am years overdue for it, so I guess that's a degree of self-care.¬†They'll get some of my blood, check my levels since a few are askew due to dietary choices and heredity, Then they will probably tell me I need to make some … Continue reading Thrifting Therapy

When You Are Crushed

This is my second blog post today. I have done nothing but watch YouTube videos and Netflix. Coming to face how complete the destruction is which I have wrought. There is no strength to pursue, no will to accomplish, no desire to chase, no song to sing, no light to my darkness, no hope to … Continue reading When You Are Crushed

Confused?

I am very confused right now. Like anyone, I want my life to matter. I want what I have learned and experienced over the years to make an impact on other people's lives. I struggle with my own meaning in this world because of the rejection of my allegations and the dismissal of so many … Continue reading Confused?

Another Sunday

People all across the country today are gathering in their chosen places of worship to express their beliefs together. Praying, singing, reading and exchanging hugs and handshakes. They feel warm and fuzzy, encouraged, unified, and a part of something larger than themselves. But.... In the middle of all that are people who feel very alone, … Continue reading Another Sunday