The River

Life flows like a river with all the obstacles one would expect to encounter along the way. Rocks, trees and garbage dumped into its fluidity. Sometimes the water flows very slowly and at other times it rampages at a breakneck speed. It can be fraught with danger and also very boring depending on where you … Continue reading The River

Guilt-free Relaxation

There's nothing quite so precious as being able to rest. To relax free of the pangs of missed opportunities, pressure that is self induced, and feeling peace through and through. I am not quite there yet. I have always put a lot of pressure on myself, it has been misplaced though. Expectations that I carried … Continue reading Guilt-free Relaxation


Now that I am integrating back into the work world I can feel that I am desiring to guard my seclusion. Work is frenetic and exhausting, people everywhere, demands constantly, and it wears me out. I don't want to socialize, I want to go home and be in my room. I am not thinking about … Continue reading Seclusion

In The Shadows

Try to imagine living in fear that at some point, you are going to destroy something important again. Maybe you know that which I speak of. There can be no rest, no joy, no sense of accomplishment. Just dread-when will "it" happen. I'm not sure that's why I take the medications I do but I … Continue reading In The Shadows


I walked past a picture of my wife and I after we were married, walking back up the aisle. Our faces gleaming in the joy and excitement of our union. Only, when I look at that picture, it more often than not reminds me of all I have done wrong. Taunting me, telling me that I … Continue reading Unexplainable

Navy Submarine Sailors Kept ‘Rape’ Lists Of Female Colleagues, Military Probe Finds

Servicemen on the second submarine in the U.S. Navy to integrate female officers and sailors with its male crew kept ranked “rape lists” of the women, triggering fears for their safety, a military investigation found. The lists were shared on the USS Florida, a guided-missile submarine, where investigators found that “lewd and sexist comments and … Continue reading Navy Submarine Sailors Kept ‘Rape’ Lists Of Female Colleagues, Military Probe Finds

This is Where it all Began

***Let me preface this blog with a warning.*** I am not going to soften the graphic images I relate too you in words. I cannot. If you are struggling with your ability to withstand the descriptions of sexual abuse I caution you to consider what you do next. These are my memories and recollections. They … Continue reading This is Where it all Began

When Will I Find It?

I've searched high and low, spent decades in looking for "it", still it eludes me like a sad joke. So I lift my head on another day like most of those before it with being able to somehow get out of bed and make even a little something out of this thing called life. Problem … Continue reading When Will I Find It?

Should I or shouldn’t I?

When I write it is problematic for me. It causes people to either freak out or say good job. This is my open journal of life, my thoughts, intentions, my failures and fears. I am going to take a break. When and if I feel it is time to return, I will. If not, good … Continue reading Should I or shouldn’t I?