There is nothing in me, I am a hollow man. Empty and unable to feel anything passionately, I walk this Earth as a meaningless and nearly invisible entity. My ability to give anything is not in question when there's no substance from which to draw. This is getting to be a frustrating way to live. … Continue reading Grrr.


A Game of Cat and Mouse

I know I said this blog was moving toward vlogging and other video content but I am not quite ready to go. So I will write this quickie just to express my frustration. Sleep. We all need it, it's something we really cannot do without, but I am. You see, it is a game in … Continue reading A Game of Cat and Mouse


I don't know what has happened but now I am officially sick. Two days post colonoscopy and they've both been difficult. I decided against Seroquel because we were going to go out, but here I am sick anyway. It's meds meant to bring me health that end up being a sort of enemy to my well-being. … Continue reading Sick

2 Out of 3 is Usually Good

What a beautiful day, too bad I will spend it in a fog, boy do I wish I was that dog! Two out of three nights now I haven't gotten any sleep. Tuesday night was an all-nighter as was last night, sandwiched in-between was a good nights rest. I am having some manic type symptoms … Continue reading 2 Out of 3 is Usually Good

Only The Shadow Knows

As my case of Bi-polar Depression slogs on, a new medication is being introduced to my regime. This drug is called Latuda. It is an extremely costly drug at $1396.00 for 30 tablets. Fortunately with insurance I am only paying $40. My psychiatrist really wants to try a drug he believes is better but insurance … Continue reading Only The Shadow Knows

I Have A Name For This Life

I was thinking today what I would call this journey I am on. Some days are actually OK, while many are depressing beyond belief.  I'd rather not get out of beda lot of the time and I wouldn't turn down a get-out-of-life-free card either. The pendulum, though somewhat controlled by medications, still swings wide each … Continue reading I Have A Name For This Life

The Un-Reality of Prescription Medicine

Have you ever watched, and I know you have, the commercials about any one of thousands of meds that promise any problem you have can be easily cured through their use? Sure they will list a ton of fearsome side effects but hey, so what! You'll be better for sure! The before and after are … Continue reading The Un-Reality of Prescription Medicine

My Mental Health Journey

This story begins with a bit of a on-the-job' meltdown in which I was told I was mega-failure, and my resulting exclamation that suicide was my only choice. I've spent six out of the next 8 weeks in partial hospitalization at a psychiatric hospital. Well, in all honesty I have one more day to attend … Continue reading My Mental Health Journey

this is why..

People kill themselves. There is nothing worth living for, more specifically, there isn't enough good to outweigh the incredible pain. I totally get it. The psychiatrist doesn't care, he gives you another med and says see a therapist. The process of even looking for a therapist is daunting and intimidating, and you are in no … Continue reading this is why..