Returning to a Civilized Existence

In just a couple days I will mark the one year anniversary of going into treatment for depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. At that time I had lost all hope, I had given up, my life had caught up with me and this time I listened. I was suicidal, desperate and at the lowest point … Continue reading Returning to a Civilized Existence



I saw my psychiatrist today and got one of my scripts added back in for now. They were wanting to wean me off it, but its short half-life caused increased depression. Thats good news. Also on a positive note, the short-term disability provider got me back up to date. They had fallen four weeks behind. … Continue reading Update

News Flash!

I face a major Dilemma, what to do next. Having spent the last 10 months in and out of treatment, struggling with suicidal ideation, depression, bipolar disorder, ptsd and anxiety, where do I go from here? One thing I know is that I am my best advocate. Not my psychiatrist, not my therapist, not even … Continue reading News Flash!

Wrapping Up

Tomorrow will be my 6th day in partial hospitalization, it will also be my last one, for this stint. The structure has helped, hearing the troubles of others has too. Group discussions have created a sense of purpose by opening up to one another. We are helping each other. There is more help among the … Continue reading Wrapping Up


The mental health battle is marching on and I find myself conflicted emotionally. My thoughts are all over the board as I consider what is happening at this stage of life. I am slipping again as I plod through each day and the challenges they present. I am constantly having to fight for benefits while … Continue reading Conflicted

A Game of Cat and Mouse

I know I said this blog was moving toward vlogging and other video content but I am not quite ready to go. So I will write this quickie just to express my frustration. Sleep. We all need it, it's something we really cannot do without, but I am. You see, it is a game in … Continue reading A Game of Cat and Mouse

It’s Gone

There's this attribute of life that I think is pretty important. It's a baseline at which we can fully function and withstand setbacks and disappointments. When we get hit with a bunch of stuff at once we have to be fortified. I call it, "the joy of life." You know what I'm saying? I am … Continue reading It’s Gone


Why can I not feel some days? My mind goes fanatically wild, but at other times I am blank. Like today. The overwhelming nature of dealing with life creates a protection mechanism and I go into a silent running mode. Confronted with issues on a continual basis I start to shut down mentally and emotionally. … Continue reading N U M B

“So-Called” Psychiatric Care

Yesterday morning I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. Well, if you can call disinterested, mocking, dismissive, uncaring, and an excuse filled ten minutes as actual Psychiatric care. My wife came along to interject her observations, she is concerned and wanted to offer her view-point. She got little more than a once of respect and … Continue reading “So-Called” Psychiatric Care