In the Meantime

I am suspended between two entirely different era's of my life and it is an uncomfortable time of waiting. In the interest of transparency I have multiple fronts to deal with as I get from here to there. I have my past which is mired in questioning all things religious. A history of untimely rebellion. …

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Is There Something I should Be Doing?

As always, this is my online journal, thoughts I have are processed in real-time between myself and whoever reads these posts. I just got home after dropping off my rent payment, stopping at a second hand store and putting some gas in the truck. As I was driving I went by a few churches and …

A Meaningful Life

We all deep down want to accomplish something special. At lease that's what I believe.  My struggle for worth and purpose is all tied up in it. To this point I have sabotaged my meaningful chances and that is a destructive thing, personally. It has eroded my strength and self-confidence. Now, even the job I …

Whom am I Trying to Convince?

I got to thinking today about this blog and my previous post and wondering if my passions are somewhat misplaced if not completely divided. I began writing when I was in a different time in life and have seen the morphing of the blog into a totally divergent focus. From spiritually based content to dissecting abuse, …

Wrapping Up

Tomorrow will be my 6th day in partial hospitalization, it will also be my last one, for this stint. The structure has helped, hearing the troubles of others has too. Group discussions have created a sense of purpose by opening up to one another. We are helping each other. There is more help among the …

Back to Work

I have been on injury leave from my job since December of 2014. For the mathematically challenged like me, that's just about two years. Let me tell you, being outta work that long will drive you crazy; there is the injury itself, the pain, dozens of therapy sessions, two surgeries, confinement...all that stuff. Then there is dealing with …

I’m Sorry, I Don’t Have Time

Years ago I attended a small church and had for a long time. I was socially challenged, a loner with aspirations in a congregation of 70 people, four of which were my family. I desired to develop a relationship with the worship leader after having been a part of the team for several years. I put …

Living a Rube Goldberg Life and Finding Purpose in the Process

If you've never heard of a Rube Goldberg Machine, this is your lucky day! The machines premise is this: Take a simple task and go through a complex formula to accomplish it. You could just pick up the pencil and sharpen it, but the Rube Goldberg machine adds a bunch of steps that are totally superfluous. Heres …

Moving, just moving…

There is a place for anger, to question establishment and to be vocal and want answers. However, there is a need and desire deep in my soul for more than that alone. I want to find peace in my storm, grace for others, empathy for the less fortunate, and discover joy that has eluded me. Can I …