Today

I have been off work for the last three weeks, and today is my last bit of freedom before returning. It has been a mental health vacation. No pay, just relief from the stresses of retail life in this Covid-infected year. Today I am taking inventory. How am I doing, really? Have I made progress …

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Is There Something I should Be Doing?

As always, this is my online journal, thoughts I have are processed in real-time between myself and whoever reads these posts. I just got home after dropping off my rent payment, stopping at a second hand store and putting some gas in the truck. As I was driving I went by a few churches and …

Fading Into Oblivion

I am feeling that my return to work is going to cause me to be sucked into the rat race and tear the will from me to write. I have lost the battle for my mental health, and the strength I have will now be poured into the daily grind. Going back in a transitional sense, …

Betrayal, the Gift that Keeps on Giving

There is a reason people don't stay together after a betrayal, every day is a constant reminder of the dirty deed. Whether you are the betrayer or betrayed its ever-present and only a moment from escalating any situation. Today I was reminded of my deed of shame, its like a knife that's permanently stuck in …

Seasons Change

I received the letter and avoided the phone call concerning the pathology results from my colonoscopy. My polyps were precancerous, they were caught in time and therefor didn't develop to their full potential. Thats good news; the only downside is my new schedule for testing, it has been moved up to every 3 years. Next …

“So-Called” Psychiatric Care

Yesterday morning I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. Well, if you can call disinterested, mocking, dismissive, uncaring, and an excuse filled ten minutes as actual Psychiatric care. My wife came along to interject her observations, she is concerned and wanted to offer her view-point. She got little more than a once of respect and …

this is why..

People kill themselves. There is nothing worth living for, more specifically, there isn't enough good to outweigh the incredible pain. I totally get it. The psychiatrist doesn't care, he gives you another med and says see a therapist. The process of even looking for a therapist is daunting and intimidating, and you are in no …

Bipolar Signs…

If this were a criminal investigation, the research would be starting to reveal the truth. As I analyze the data and look at the evidence, a clearer picture is developing. In the daily, grind it out story of a life, are the signs one is expecting to discover. People having a manic episode may: People …

My Shrinking Life

We are all born into a whole world of possibilities, they lie right there before each of us. I am among the most privileged when it comes to my race and country of origin, and I also possess some amount of gifting and talents which were at one time the fulcrum on which my future …