Time to hit the Starting Blocks

I'm tired of languishing in this place of defeat. Bemoaning the mountain of crap that has piled on top of me, it's time to break out and fly!!! It's time to pursue my hearts desire and stop killing the vibe just as it gets started. I've learned a lot and I can put it to … Continue reading Time to hit the Starting Blocks

New Year, New Hope?

This is a tough concept to consider. There have been decades of pain so what makes you/me think this year will be any different? For me, 2019 had me in out-patient hospitalization, many therapy appointments and the introduction of a few medications for good measure. It had a psychiatrist declare me to be OK when … Continue reading New Year, New Hope?

Update #…I don’t Know!

Got my paperwork completed! This evaluation I am going to undergo has all kinds of different information I need to provide. From the basics to a synopsis of what led to where I find myself and release of documentation forms for several different providers so they can gather the stuff needed. Now I just need … Continue reading Update #…I don’t Know!

When Depression Descends

It's hard to predict and difficult to understand. You just can never tell when depression will land on you like a giant suffocating weight. First let me state that depression is ever-present, but it takes more ominous forms at indiscriminate times.  For me, depression hasn't lifted from its current form for at least the last … Continue reading When Depression Descends

In the Balance

Three days into partial hospitalization and its the weekend, a couple days break then back into the gauntlet. I learned something today,  I knew it all along but it was on full display and revealed before the cold, fluorescent light of a group therapy session. I am a man overcome with shame. A lifetime of … Continue reading In the Balance

Justifying Mental Disease

I am getting weary of having to explain over and over what I am going through. I really just need a permanent resolution. Any kind of permanent resolution. I can't do this. It is not enough I cannot function, they want me to hyper function. I struggle with having enough purpose to live and they're … Continue reading Justifying Mental Disease

Our Perilous Lives

It occurs to me today, that each of us are on a most decidedly frantic and rather dangerous dash through time and space. The governance of our lives is held together by the flimsiest of contrivances. Our health, relationships, jobs, even our faith or lack thereof keep this wild cyclone from devouring us. Just barely. … Continue reading Our Perilous Lives

Seasons Change

I received the letter and avoided the phone call concerning the pathology results from my colonoscopy. My polyps were precancerous, they were caught in time and therefor didn't develop to their full potential. Thats good news; the only downside is my new schedule for testing, it has been moved up to every 3 years. Next … Continue reading Seasons Change

A Story…How He Loves

How He Loves Today... today I was reminded of this song and the story behind it, I was moved again. I felt emotions I haven't for quite a while. You might even say that it inspired me to make a move back towards God. It's been some time since we've spoken. Please take the time … Continue reading A Story…How He Loves