Seasons Change

I received the letter and avoided the phone call concerning the pathology results from my colonoscopy. My polyps were precancerous, they were caught in time and therefor didn’t develop to their full potential. Thats good news; the only downside is my new schedule for testing, it has been moved up to every 3 years.

Next up is my ultrasound tomorrow on my liver, I would love to have the same results!

For a guy who had a death wish just a few weeks ago this is a turnaround I was not expecting to see. When you are down and mental illness and it’s accomplices have their icy hands around your neck, gripping ever more tightly, you see no escape. 

There is still plenty to get right such as my increasing trouble with the hours between 11pm and 6am. Still struggling to string together more than a couple hours of sleep at a time. I am still not accomplishing much in the way of my stated goals, but at least I am not looking at them as completely futile.

Today will be a day of rest, focusing on plans to return to work, trying to get healthier, actually thinking about the future without being overcome with negativity.

I still am reticent to entertain going back to church, having any conversation that eludes to that, however, I can’t help but think the prayers and concern shown by others may be a part of this resurgence.

In talking to my wife the other day she brought up going to a Saturday night service. I gave her a metaphor that I am like the trees you see all around you this spring. I am budding but not quite ready to open up.

It’s when I don’t think and dwell on the past winters and all the mistakes and heartache that I can look forward to a new and possibly renewing season.




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