Don’t You Forget About Me

We live in a society of tragedies, abuse, wickedness and perversion. This is nothing new though it is undoubtedly more widespread than it once was. Mankind continues a decline into self-serving hedonism which will eventually consume all that is good. Every day there is more news about some segment of people being sexually harassed, tortured, murdered, etc, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

I have used this platform to accuse the religious community of being silent and inept in its response to the abuse I suffered as a child, but upon considering a larger picture I may have been too harsh.

Of late, I have resented the rush for justice that has become more prevalent in the last few years. Scandals have resulted in the exposure of pedophiles and serial abusers; the victims cared for and the guilty punished. But nothing has essentially changed. The innocent victims will continue to suffer life-long effects and the rest of the world will grow tired of dealing with the aftermath. You see, we are a society that likes defined beginnings and endings. Once justice has been served they have done their part and its time to move on to the next issue which then must be concluded, and so on and so on.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but all those girls abused by Larry Nassar, which have received so much worldwide attention, will one day become just as marginalized as anyone ever has. Once a sensational story, it will be engulfed by the next, more heinous crime. Think about it, even the Jews, who suffered so profoundly at the hands of the Nazis, have seen concerted efforts that have tried to discredit the fact the killing of six million helpless people even took place!

We care more about numbers than individuals. I suppose thats why today we have seen the birth of moments such as #metoo. There has been an infinite number of individual people mistreated. It is not the single young girl who was raped that is cared about, but the horror of a rapist who attacks dozens. The bigger the number the more interest it holds for our demented imaginations. Remember, we are still people, even if we are the only victim of a crime.

Back to the church. What was I expecting anyway, these are just people. What could they do to come to the aid of a little boy abused sexually by his own father? What is their responsibility today?  It is sort of like racism. Much of the population didn’t commit crimes against blacks, in fact we weren’t even alive. Though many argue it, everyone today is still burdened with the task of helping heal the wounds of the abuses our fathers committed. Lines have been drawn in the sand and the confrontations and battles will not be ending soon.

So I remain in a conundrum of fantastic proportions; torn by what has in fact been continued abuse by the church, knowing that their compassion for me cannot be revived. I don’t have a massive organization putting the message out there, forcing you to confront the crime committed by one of your own.

I am pleading with you that you understand something about abuse and PTSD. It doesn’t have a timeline, it may be lifelong. It takes a lot of care and attention at the point of the trauma to lay groundwork for long-range healing. If you ignore it, it won’t go away, it will only grow more destructive and could end in suicide, addiction, broken lives and families, poverty, and even more abuse. It isn’t limited to the immediate victim either, but extends far into the next generation(s).

I have gone on long enough here, rambling on at its finest , but let me end with this.

You can’t forget about me, I won’t allow it. The people who have destroyed my life and were not brought to justice will not be forgiven. Those who ignored and downplayed the trauma will not be granted an ounce of grace. I cannot extend to you what I haven’t experienced. So, may the next headline of sexual abuse remind you of your inaction, complacency and selfishness.

Sleep well tonight, for I will not.

Don’t You Forget About Me~Simple Minds

Won’t you come see about me?
I’ll be alone, dancing you know it baby
Tell me your troubles and doubts
Giving me everything inside and out and
Love’s strange so real in the dark
Think of the tender things that we were working on
Slow change may pull us apart
When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don’t you, forget about me
Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t
Don’t you, forget about me

Will you stand above me?
Look my way, never love me
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down
Will you recognize me?
Call my name or walk on by
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down, down

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Ooh woh
Don’t you try and pretend
It’s my feeling we’ll win in the end
I won’t harm you or touch your defenses
Vanity and security




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